I'm a (not really) Single Mom

I don't fit in with moms. I have mom friends; they never judge me based off of my relationship status, but often times I find myself lost in conversation. I was talking to a lady the other day about a "Single Mom" support group. I don't fit in with single moms, I've even been told I shouldn't be classified as one. I've had other moms look at me and go, "at least your kid's dad pays child support." I don't fit in with married moms either; I was married once. Marriage was unsuccessful for me. It ended after three years in abuse, fights, and in the end, a split custody agreement that I'm still unsure was in the best interest of my child.

You're married or otherwise partnered with their children's father and all you talk about is your family vacations. I long for that. I love my second daughter's father with every piece of me, it kills my heart to think that my children may long term come from two broken families. You talk about how he works and loves that you stay home; when I was a stay at home mom I was miserable. I always imagine you being screamed at for not working to contribute, when somehow you were blessed with the right person who wants to do those things for you. You tell me how hard it must be to be a single mom, how strong I am. I'm not holding it together so well some days; and I'm not strong compared to some mothers I've known to overcome unstoppable odds and statistics without a dime of child support or someone to vent to about their child.

You're a single mom. My problems with my children's fathers seem to pale in comparison to child support battles, fighting to get your kids adopted by a man who actually takes care of them. "At least their dad is around" you say. Do you have to experience PTSD everytime you see your childs father for an exchange? Do you know that my second daughter's father wasn't around the second half of her pregnancy - he loves her to death now, but I set a goal for an all natural birth and I could have used the support. You work three jobs to make ends meet but you do; while I have to listen to two men say that they "support me" even when I also work. Why should they have to balance the household? I would some days, give a lot of myself for my kids dad's to just leave us in peace, be able to move far away with no conscience and start over. You might think it would be great to have your child's father stick around.

Try it.
Try arguing with someone else over everything; money, medical, school decisions, responsibilities.

Try dividing your time between parents. Yes, I know my daughters need and deserve fathers. But who gets more? The mom? Why? 50/50 causes major behavioral issues, and you're ripping your hair out wishing you could find money for a good lawyer to change it...

It's so hard. It's heart wrenching. To look at two men that I have loved very much and say that we are not a fully functioning family unit.


Back to my point, if I say I'm a single mom, it doesn't seem right. I'm not looking for a man to be my kiddo's dad; they have fathers and they're both involved. But I'm not doing this by myself, but I have just as many problems, they're just different. So I'm a (not really) single mom, and there are the pros and cons to that. There's no label for my situation that is really fair.

It's been a while, but here's some breastfeeding rights stuff

I started working at Taco Bell on Clark Lane in Columbia, Missouri on 3/15/15.
The first two days I had four hour shifts. I asked if I had a break to pump on. I was told no, that they didn't get a break on a four hour shift. I was forced to wait four hours. I would get home and pump, and pump maybe 2 ounces, but my breasts were still horribly engorged and full.
I started getting clogged ducts, and after some extra pumping sessions I was able to fully unclog the ducts. I went in to my work armed with the breastfeeding laws. I talked to the general manager. She was like, ugh, whatever okay. Another manager told me to use the office to pump. I started pumping in the office for about 15 minutes. The breaks were still only "allowed" after I was done completing tasks that took up to an extra 20 minutes. The asking to pump every two hours wasn't clicking, they still wanted me on their schedule/terms.
That went well, until the second day where the general manager did not obviously read the laws, and interuptted me in the office to answer the phone. There's no door on the break room. It's a small store, and there isn't a lot of closed off areas.
At that point, I chose to pump in my car. I don't necessarily mind being in my car, but it's a pretty public parking lot with lots of traffic. Regardless of where I parked, I was still being invaded from privacy.
I finally had enough after going 3-3.5 hours without pumping. I started looking for other employment. I found another job. I was just going to leave.

But a few days after putting in my two weeks, I got a clogged duct. I went to my car to pump, and I wasn't paying attention to my phone. Apparently I took around 25 minutes to pump. Note, that they told me not to clock out so they didn't have to keep track of it. I came back in, and my managers were both pissed. Suzy then told me that "People who work longer shifts than you don't even get breaks like you do." It's true. They don't get enough breaks. But when the main managers aren't there, there are definitely extra smoke breaks. Erika backed her up and said I couldn't take that long to pump.
I was shocked to be talked to that way by Suzy. She's a personal friend outside work, and helped me get the job there when I moved back home.
Another girl (a store employee, not a manager) asked me why "I didn't pump before work."
I do pump before work. I also pump during work. That was the exact answer I gave her. She seemed to not care about my response.
This girl is supposed to become a manager.
The next day, I worked a six hour shift. I took my first pumping break, no issues. I looked and commented about how my next one would be noon. The store employee who had commented on it before got very upset. "You're not going to get another break before 2 o clock." I informed her there was in fact, a law. I was told that "It is bullshit that you get breaks more than everyone else here. There's no law that says you get more breaks. You're full of shit." My manager Jay was the most informed on it. He doesn't even know the details, but he knew it was important. That day, we got super slammed.
I didn't get a break before 2pm.
I did ask around 12:30 to please, go pump. The store employee that had made previous comments. But a corporate person came in and they couldn't lose me from the counter. By 1:15, I was nearly in tears from engorgement. Jay called me in to count down my drawer and leave early. He understood at that point, I was nearly in a panic attack, and for good reason. He informed me he was extremely sorry about what happened, and that he would talk to the store employee who had harassed me. I informed him that was an excellent way on his part to handle things but I felt the need to escalate it to HR anyway, as I had a right to do.

I went home. I called HR. The HR manager's wife breastfed three kids. He was extremely apologetic and told me he would converse with them before my next shift on Thursday. (My last shift.) He would retrain all managers.

That week, I had been scheduled a morning shift on Thursday. The shift was then  cancelled, as I found out when I called in to work to let them know I would not be coming in as at that point I had a clogged duct that hurt so bad and I would be headed into urgent care to be looked at. The urgent care here, who is extremely trained in breastfeeding, was shocked at the appearance of my breasts and put me on an extreme pumping schedule with nursing baby as much as possible. They finally cleared a few days later. I was still shocked to be told after an HR complaint was filed, that I was taken off an already made schedule.

I don't believe it wasn't retaliation.
The HR manager attempted to smooth this over with me, but this is a company that is known to pay it's workers little wages for big profits. I'm not sure my complaint will actually go that far with HR. I do know I was reamed via facebook by the personal friend who was so rude to me as a manager. I do know that I pumped 10oz after coming home the one day and still had clogged ducts. I don't find this fair. I get clogged ducts easily.

I never thought being as educated as I was knowing I would be a working and pumping mom that I could be so straightforward about an issue and be so ignored. I've seriously debated if I could sue because of the harassment, because I still feel like my privacy was violated.

My current employer has been extremely accommodating about breastfeeding, it's in their policies. I never saw one policy when I was doing my orientation for taco bell.

I think they need to see that this is the training they're neglecting to give their employees.
I call on Taco Bell to come out and say they'll train nationwide. That they won't treat employees with disrespect. They need to have a policy on pumping and train every employee in it.

Playing with baby carriers with my siblings.

Me, wearing Zoey age 4.

Tandem wearing with zoey and Patrick age 1.

Tucker, age 6 wearing Emmeline 6 months.

Aerial fabrics class.

This is OT, but here are some pictures from my first aerial basics class. This stuff is hard! I don't feel so bad when the super skinny girls struggle too lol!

My cheap curbside cabinet redo'

This looks so good in my tiny bathroom now!

Before/after laundry room

Yay for a new coat of paint!

Yuck, brown and yellow.

After, so much better

My other DIY Mei Tai

And here it is, in all its Girly wonderfulness.