I'm a (not really) Single Mom

I don't fit in with moms. I have mom friends; they never judge me based off of my relationship status, but often times I find myself lost in conversation. I was talking to a lady the other day about a "Single Mom" support group. I don't fit in with single moms, I've even been told I shouldn't be classified as one. I've had other moms look at me and go, "at least your kid's dad pays child support." I don't fit in with married moms either; I was married once. Marriage was unsuccessful for me. It ended after three years in abuse, fights, and in the end, a split custody agreement that I'm still unsure was in the best interest of my child.

You're married or otherwise partnered with their children's father and all you talk about is your family vacations. I long for that. I love my second daughter's father with every piece of me, it kills my heart to think that my children may long term come from two broken families. You talk about how he works and loves that you stay home; when I was a stay at home mom I was miserable. I always imagine you being screamed at for not working to contribute, when somehow you were blessed with the right person who wants to do those things for you. You tell me how hard it must be to be a single mom, how strong I am. I'm not holding it together so well some days; and I'm not strong compared to some mothers I've known to overcome unstoppable odds and statistics without a dime of child support or someone to vent to about their child.

You're a single mom. My problems with my children's fathers seem to pale in comparison to child support battles, fighting to get your kids adopted by a man who actually takes care of them. "At least their dad is around" you say. Do you have to experience PTSD everytime you see your childs father for an exchange? Do you know that my second daughter's father wasn't around the second half of her pregnancy - he loves her to death now, but I set a goal for an all natural birth and I could have used the support. You work three jobs to make ends meet but you do; while I have to listen to two men say that they "support me" even when I also work. Why should they have to balance the household? I would some days, give a lot of myself for my kids dad's to just leave us in peace, be able to move far away with no conscience and start over. You might think it would be great to have your child's father stick around.

Try it.
Try arguing with someone else over everything; money, medical, school decisions, responsibilities.

Try dividing your time between parents. Yes, I know my daughters need and deserve fathers. But who gets more? The mom? Why? 50/50 causes major behavioral issues, and you're ripping your hair out wishing you could find money for a good lawyer to change it...

It's so hard. It's heart wrenching. To look at two men that I have loved very much and say that we are not a fully functioning family unit.


Back to my point, if I say I'm a single mom, it doesn't seem right. I'm not looking for a man to be my kiddo's dad; they have fathers and they're both involved. But I'm not doing this by myself, but I have just as many problems, they're just different. So I'm a (not really) single mom, and there are the pros and cons to that. There's no label for my situation that is really fair.